Monday, November 22, 2021

One Year Gone

It has been a tough year during the year plus I've been gone.  A year ago this past Saturday, we lost my mom.  The night after we buried her, my dad went to sleep and never woke up.  I'm the oldest of their 3 children and have been busy taking care of their estate and grieving.  Trying to find a new normal without them.  This photo was taken on their 50th anniversary.  They were married for 61 years.  The boys are my children and the girls are my brothers.

Early this year, I received a note and a chart from Carol of Stitching Dreams.  You see, she lost her mother too in 2020.  A friend, Ginger, had sent her this chart to stitch in memory of her mother.  Ginger had also lost her mother and had stitched this chart in memory of her mother.  And now it was my turn.  You can read Carol's post HERE about this project.  Carol's also posted so eloquently about her first birthday without her mom, and in reading her post I felt a kinship with Carol in terms of finding comfort in knowing mom was whole again.  My mom lived with dementia for 11 years before her death.  It is a terrible disease.

Here is where this story gets a little embarrassing.  Carol sent this to me in MARCH.  Typically when someone gifts you something, you start stitching it right away.  At the time, however, I just could not do it.  It represented a lot of things I just wasn't ready to deal with.  We were also building a home and preparing to move.  I say that as an excuse but we all know, I could have stitched this quickly.  I just was not able.

I actually started this and got it mostly completed before we moved.  It was done except for one of my mothers initials.  This is the first home I have ever lived in that I will not have any memories of my parents.  They've always helped us move, paint, decorate, figure things out, make improvements etc.  I would have talked to my mom about the floor plan and furniture placement and decor.  Greg would have talked to my dad about things he saw during construction, how to take care of newly sodded grass, and all that kind of things.  

They are missed in many ways.

Saturday was the 20th anniversary of my mothers passing.  I took out this project and pulled out the one initial of moms that I had stitched.  It was too ghosty and I wanted her initial to STAND OUT.  So I stitched her initials, put my needle away and the project is waiting to be FFO'd.  In a weird way, Saturday was the right time to finish this little pillow.  I felt like mom was with me and we were chatting while I stitched.  So in an odd way, I do have a memory of mom here in this house.
I have already chosen another stitcher to pass this chart to who has also lost her mom.  I hope this helps her through her own grief journey, it her own time, as it has me.  Carol, I humbly thank you so much.  xoxo